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Pumpkin spice is great if you hate yourself

Mattheau Faught

Fall is a peaceful season that entails beautiful outdoor scenery, cool weather and tasty treats. However, every season has its culinary imperfections and fall’s glaring cavity is pumpkin spice. When most people think of fall, they think of pumpkins, long clothing and leaves, while some addicts think of only one sick hypnotic thing: pumpkin spice.

 Spice addicts tend to claim they like the pumpkin in pumpkin spice-flavored treats or drinks, but there is actually no pumpkin within these concoctions. The addicts like to say that the flavor reminds them of fall, but it is nothing more than the cinnamon and nutmeg found in the fall food. 

The constant injection of the seasonal spice into several confections such as snacks, coffees, and pastries tends to wear out its welcome. It diminishes the novelty of the spice as a whole. Seasonal treats help you indulge in special times of the year, but pungent poison like pumpkin spice steals the magic as people seem to have a disgusting lust for artificial spice products in fall. 

While I could go on and on about pumpkin spice, I couldn’t do so without putting my money where my mouth is. 

The first and last item on my pumpkin spice review list of pain is a pumpkin spice caramel nitro brew from Dutch Bros. My first sip made all the muscles in my face contract. The first thought that entered my head was “how do I get this out of me?“. 

Based on my traumatic experience, I would guess a pumpkin spice latte would be a masochist’s favorite drink. For being a popular seasonal treat I thought a pumpkin spice latte would offer an enchanting experience, but all I was left with was the empty feeling of regret. Fortunately it’ll probably increase your hygiene as you might want to wash the seasonal delight from your mouth. 

As much as I hate pumpkin spice, I cannot speak for the majority who dearly enjoy this nauseating festivity. At Eastfield, around 30 people were asked if they liked pumpkin spice in general. The results came out almost even on liking/disliking it. 

The flavor somehow introduced a likable freshness to palates nearing the year’s end. While some people liked pumpkin spice a surprising amount joined me in shared hatred. This is to say that seasonal spice won’t be everyone’s cup of coffee but that doesn’t keep it from being liked or loved by many. I don’t think I’ll be coming around anytime soon, but I can definitely say that I’ve had worse. So don’t mind what I have to say unless you wanna save yourself from a destroyed stomach.

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Mattheau Faught
Mattheau Faught, Presentation Editor

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