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I really wanted to have a good New Year’s resolution this time, I really did.
I wanted to wake up on the first of January and pretend like staring at some fireworks was all the personal growth I needed to shed my bad habits.
I really wanted to believe it. I wanted to wake up early, hit the gym and schedule that dentist appointment.
Instead, I woke up on the first, at about 2 p.m., and wondered if I’d be better off fully embracing those terrible habits.
Maybe I’d be happier that way.
I mean, what I do isn’t that bad.
Maybe I spend too much money at bars and on fast food while my healthy food rots away at home.
After I take care of a few things on my car and some overdue parking tickets, I’ll be on my way to being a millionaire.
So maybe I spend more time retweeting and subscribing than with my family.
Family takes up a lot of time, but my phone only takes up about four hours a day.
And maybe I opt to watch another episode of an anime instead of getting a full night’s sleep. I mean, I should treat myself to what I want to do every once in a while.
Yeah, I should treat myself.
And in my poor attempt to convince myself that this was all perfectly OK, I realized why my resolutions — or any attempt at self-growth — were always doomed to fail.
I not only lack the level of discipline that I need to complete a resolution, but I also lack the desire to be disciplined. Therefore, I have allowed my resolutions to be rooted in self-satisfaction.
It’s 2019, a year in which everyone with a Twitter is determined to finally love themselves.
But maybe this year I should be a little harder on myself.
Looking at my life, I’m incredibly blessed and frankly not lacking in self-love.
I’m past due some tough love.
So maybe the ultimate goal of my daily workout routine should be less about a killer summer bod and more of an opportunity to be better disciplined.
So, when the soreness hits or when I would rather sleep in, I can appreciate the struggle and the perseverance it takes to get up.
When I would rather make cheat day into a cheat week, I can appreciate the discipline it takes to say no to that drive-thru option.
Then maybe that mentality can find its way into the rest of my life.
Then, my decision to go out for a drink is not determined by whether I should treat myself or not, but if it is the most disciplined decision.
And maybe, this newfound appreciation for perseverance and discipline can get me to balance my finances, make it to a family dinner and schedule that dentist appointment.
It sounds like a great idea.
I’ll start on it tomorrow, maybe.
— David Silva is a journalism major and The Et Cetera’s managing editor.